Understanding Anxiety: Insights and Practical Guidance for a Calmer Life

“I just feel completely overwhelmed.”
“I wake up in the morning with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.”
“I find myself mindlessly doing ‘stuff’ but feel like I never achieve anything.”
“When I think about work, I get short of breath, have palpitations, and just want to run away.”

If you can relate to the above, you are not alone. Data indicates that in the UK, more than 8 million people are struggling with anxiety at any given time.

In this article, we explore three key aspects of anxiety that inform how I work with clients experiencing this debilitating condition.

1. You Are Not Broken or Defective

As much as we might wish to rid ourselves of those awful feelings, it’s helpful to remember that anxiety is a normal human response to stressful situations. Post-COVID media coverage of mental health has raised awareness about the prevalence of anxiety but can sometimes leave the impression that experiencing it makes you defective.

I often remind my clients that anxiety can serve a useful function. It alerts us to risks and can motivate us to make necessary changes. Experiencing anxiety doesn’t mean you’re broken or defective.

That said, if your anxiety feels disproportionate to the actual level of threat or impinges on your ability to function or achieve your goals, it’s worth exploring further.

2. How We Think About Our Anxiety Can Make It Worse

When we start to unpack how anxiety manifests and how we respond to it, we often find that our reactions can amplify it.

A Case Example: Danni

Danni was a high-achieving business owner with a young family. She realized that she had started to feel anxious about feeling anxious. The overwhelming emotions were affecting her work; she dreaded client meetings and criticized herself for not coping. As the family’s main breadwinner, she worried about their financial security.

Danni also held a belief that asking for help wasn’t acceptable. As the eldest child of two loving but unavailable parents, she had learned to be self-reliant from an early age, so her default behaviour was to juggle everything alone.

When we talked about it, Danni realised how these beliefs were unconsciously influencing her behaviour and her opinion of herself.  She knew she wouldn’t expect her husband to cope alone with these feelings, so why was she expecting it of herself? By experimenting with treating herself as a loved one might, she opened space to begin to be more compassionate towards herself and explore how these beliefs were impacting other areas of her life.  

Practical Insight

There’s a Buddhist saying: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Life is challenging enough without layering additional pressures, rules, and expectations on ourselves. Many of these “rules” stem from childhood and operate outside our conscious awareness. Bringing these beliefs into awareness and challenging them can help de-escalate anxiety.

3. Anxiety Can Be a Useful Guide

Anxiety often carries an underlying message, which is why “getting rid” of symptoms rarely works. It’s often a signal from the unconscious, urging us to pay attention to something unresolved.

Surface vs. Underlying Issues

The issues we feel anxious about are rarely the root cause. For example, a fear of flying might symbolize a deeper fear of losing control. Avoiding the trigger only provides temporary relief, while reinforcing the anxiety over time. Therapy can help uncover the underlying issue, allowing the surface-level anxiety to diminish.

Internal Conflict

Another common source of anxiety is internal conflict. For instance, one part of you might strive to excel in your career, while another part fears failure or exposure. This tug-of-war creates frustration and anxiety as the goals (achievement vs. safety) are conflicting.

Therapy can bring awareness to the existence and the agendas of these opposing parts. When you understand your desires and fears and begin to disentangle the risks from the rewards, different options for moving forward can begin to emerge.

By considering these different aspect of anxiety, we can learn to de-code it, make sense of its’ underlying message for us and start to take meaningful steps toward a more fulfilling life.

If you are overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety or recognise that anxiety is holding you back, please feel free to get in touch for a confidential conversation to explore how therapy might help.

Please note – the client example is for illustrative purposes without referencing any real-life individual.

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Article by Catherine Noel

Published 22 Jan 2025

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